Here I am.... Posting on this web site which I had created just for sharing my trip experiences... Here I am... on a friday night with my notebook on my lap, having weird thoughts, miserable feelings.. being like those girls that I used to hate...
I don't know why I am writing in English... I will probably make lots of grammar mistakes but who cares... who comes here to read my stupid things... U know what is "fun".. I used to miss all my good friends when I was in Vancouver.. now, I am here and where are those friends? Inspite of one of those where are the other ones? WHERE?? I mean, they are living in the same place, they do have the same phone numbers, and believe me they are still going to the same places... but there is something that does not fit anymore. Something that I don't know what is it, something that I don't have the guts to find out, but something that is screaming out loud on my ears saying - everybody is the same... everybody has changed, everybody has gone, everybody is here, but you... where are you?
I see myself creating a world that I can fit in, A place where I can fell that I belong, but somehow this world just doesn't exist and it is just in my mind during my subway journeys every morning.... And I see people crossing by, going around, living a life that they don't really choose for themselves... just a life that they came across with...they are going around... they go to work every morning, they have boyfriends and girlfriends, they love someone who doesn't love them, they don't love someone who does love them, they don't have enough money on their bank account in the end of the month but they are still buying silly things on the shopping malls, they are still using trendy stuff... They might be happy.. the might not. Who knows? Who cares? Who said that they are unsatisfied with their life? I AM THE UNSATISFIED one. I am the one who can't fit in this place. I am the one who has changed and can't fit in my friends group. I am the one who can't handle a conversation without talking about Canada, about the first world, about how the things were so good while I was there. But the true is, I have had sad and bad moments over there as well. I cried, I screamed, I missed, I wanted to come back to Brazil. But now that I am here, I can see clearly that was just a lonely moment.
I just don't belong this place. I just don't belong it at all.